I FEEL LIKE I MISSED SOME KIND OF CRUCIAL MEETING WHERE THIS WAS ALL EXPLAINED, NEARLY EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO HAVE ATTENDED AND I’M LEFT STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A GOD AWFUL CLUB FULL OF TWELVE YEAR OLDS WITH NOISE AND DOUBT PUNCHING ME IN THE CHEST QUESTIONING WHAT THE POINT OF ANYTHING IS. I DON’T FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF, I JUST FEEL DEEPLY CONFUSED, WAITING FOR THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN, WAITING FOR PEOPLE THAT NEVER COME.

WHEN PEOPLE GO TO MENTAL HOSPITALS AND CALL IT ‘HAVING A REST’.

I AM VERY TIRED. AND I FEEL VERY OLD. LIKE A BABY WHO STARED INTO A BLACK HOLE.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND I DON’T UNDERSTAND I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

STARING AT STRANGERS AND AT NOTHING AND GRITTING TEETH AND WILLING SOMETHING TO HAPPEN.

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